These past 2 weeks may have been 2 of the most (recent) stressful weeks at work to date. In fact, I used a phrase in meeting with my supervisor a few days ago that I very rarely use, if ever…
Do you know how hard that is to admit from a perfectionist/high-responsibility/stimulator/provider/(somewhat) controlling individual like myself? At first, it was like the grinding and gnashing of teeth. Except it wasn’t. Admitting felt good. It felt safe, it felt like a deep breath, it felt like progress. Funny how that is huh? It felt good to give up the ruse that I had everything together and just like that (snap my fingers for effect) it would be done, but sadly, my magic wand is still on back-order. Hate it when that happens.
So, let me admit to you…
I’m tired. I feel like I could be scraping the bottom of the barrel at times. I had this image in my mind of what sort of employee/friend/daughter/host/blogger/writer/person I wanted to be and I am falling short.
I am not scheduling enough “down time” into my life just for me to be me. I haven’t picked up a book for pleasure in several days now- definitely not my norm. I am not getting the amount of sleep each night I want or need. I don’t shower everyday. I haven’t had a cleaned-out email inbox in over a week (Eeek!); something I vowed would never happen when I started my career. I haven’t been consistent in my work-outs, in fact, it was almost a week ago the last time I said “hello” to the treadmill. I have missed several mornings in a row where I have set my alarm a few minutes later than usual trading a few extra minutes of sleep for time spent with the Lord. How cavalier of me to think, “well, I’ll just do that later.” I haven’t poured myself into my blog posts the way I wanted, and that frustrates me. I don’t spend one-on-one time with my sweet girlfriends as often as I would like, and even though we live miles apart, I want them to know they are a priority. Haven’t been so good at that lately. Sometimes I blow up at Mom and Dad simply because they are in proximity to me when the blow-up occurs. They have done nothing, but they take the brunt of it in stride. So unfair a daughter am I. I have practiced the art of procrastination, another “not like me” trait, and I find myself pushing harder to catch back up. I haven’t been meal and snack planning lately resulting in falling off the Weight Watchers track and just grabbing what I can when I can. Not smart.
See. When I sit back and take inventory of the day-to-day, I am missing the mark and falling so far short it is almost put your head in your hands embarrassing. That more perfect Jamie image in my mind seems a far cry from where I find myself now. That image of the have-it-all-together Jamie doesn’t exist. She is a fantasy, and one of my own making I’ll admit. Instead, I need to view myself as God sees me. Ephesians 2:10 reminds me that I am His workmanship, His masterpiece. I am uniquely and specially created to do what He has set before me to do. No one else can do the things exactly as I can do them. Just think of that… no one else if you.
So, maybe that list I make should look a little differently…
Make HIM a priority, each day, every day, top of the day. Read His word and then pray while you put on your make up or while you are in the shower. Praise Him for blessings, ask Him to make you adequate and sanctify your day before Him.
Encourage someone at work today. Let them know you care about them and appreciate them for who they are.
Text a friend. Tell them you miss them, you love them, and you can’t wait to see then when your schedules allow. Busyness can only hinder for so long.
Smile today. Show love and warmth through your actions to others around you, even if you don’t know them. Be light!
Come home and share a meal with your family or friends. Don’t worry about the amount of laundry piling up or recount the pitfalls of your day to them, but instead, talk, laugh, tell jokes, share stories, share time. It is one of the most important “to-dos” on your list.
Take care of your temple. Put good in, feel good, and be good to it. Be more intentional about eating habits and exercise daily, even if it’s a short period of time. Maybe it’s a few Pilates stretches in your bedroom floor each night, jogging around the house with your dog, or squatting and lunging rather than walking around the house while taking care of your tasks. Something is always better than nothing.
Be the very best version of yourself.
That best version may not always be perfectly coiffed, have an emptied email inbox, or even work out 5 days a week, but remember to see you as He sees you and ask Him to remove those feelings of inadequacy that have proved to be a hindrance in being the person He created and designed for you to be.
I might feel like I am sinking now, but He is lifting me. Oh boy, is He lifting me! 🙂
Have a blessed Friday and a happy weekend…